Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Be rich! Put your son on auction

A promise with Satan (Shaitan):

“We won’t let your traditions die. Until anyone of the Khoja community member is alive on the surface of this earth you don’t have to worry at all, we will serve you at our best and will promote all negative traditions in society.”

Yet another girl of our community decided not to get married just few hours before reaching the marriage hall as her family could not pay the required amount demanded by the groom’s family and also they have a “Fixed Price” tagged on the groom. Although girl’s father in law showed the utmost generosity and granted few days to her family for fulfilling his wish list.

The poor girl was sitting in the parlor and getting ready to start her new journey when she came to know that dowry which was sent day before to groom’s house was rejected by father in law as “TV trolley was without a TV” and “Split AC” was not included in the package. Just two hours remaining in wedding ceremony, she had to take a quick decision whether to enter in the hell for her whole life or to remain behind and fight with the hypocrites of the society and prove herself innocent infront of everyone.

Somehow she prepared herself to face all the hurdles and problems which are going to be created by so called “Cultured Khoja Society” and denied from getting married in that mentally sick family. Great work!

Hey one more thing, you guys must be aware of a tradition called “Pairamri”, aren’t you ?? I am sure you are, as you also made thousands from it. For those who don’t know about this tradition, lemme explain you. This tradition is another nice way to suck the blood of poor bride’s family. Groom’s family usually hands over a list of nearby relatives to bride’s family and they have to pay some ”SMALL” token gift/money to relatives. Usually this list is between 20 – 30 people and it can increase to infinity. The gift depends on the relation, the closer the relation is, the gift has to be more expensive and ofcourse for sisters and mother nothing less to gold is accepted.

In the case I mentioned above the small token money demanded was just Rs. 1,000 per relative but the bride family paid Rs. 250 per person and in result the unhappy father in law has no other choice except insulting bride’s family.

Anyways, I don’t know what will come across that poor girl in coming days but I wish her best of luck. I am trying to figure out that what should I pray for her, “May Allah give her that much resources that she can BUY a good husband for her” OR “May Allah give her such family who does not misuse this tradition”.

I hope we all will go with second one.

115 comments:

  1. I agree to your points .. I was invited in the wedding which you have referred and when I reached at wedding place they told me abt the cancelation. very sad

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  2. Still such animals exist in our society? m surprised

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  3. what are these laljees and bad manners khojaas,selling their boys..
    good she refuse to marry such kind..what the groom ,is he a man ,i doubt.
    Quran says man and woman are equal in all way.then why khojaas ditch their bahu like as if their bahu is their slaves.and the girl parents are their slaves too...
    their attitudes toward girls parents immediately change just after marraige..dont they fear GOD.what type of muslim they are..
    shame on their knowledge and shame on such ignorant people.
    wearing hijab and doing all nonsense doesn't take them to heaven..they are at fault.WAKE UP ...

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  4. Your artice is bit harsh as it seems that every Khoja in the world is like that. Maybe for India and Pakistan this is true, for other parts of the world we have different problems among Khojas. May be you can highlight it in some other article.

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  5. I liked your way of expression.

    Nice article.

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  6. Hats off to that girl for such a great decision. I wish her all the best for her future

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  7. Very Sad.

    However Jamat should take note of such cases and such familes should be penalised or blacklisted.

    Zero tolerance in such cases.

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  8. "in result the unhappy father in law has no other choice except insulting bride’s family"

    This was the punch line

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  9. These ppl shld not be forgiven and I agree with Mr.Ameen that they shld be blacklisted and no Khoja Family shld give their girls in that family.

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  10. Are you serious? Do people still put up their sons for sale? Are these people followers of Ahle-Bait? I agree with Saleem Ali,that these things may still be happening in India and Pakistan and only to some extent else where in the khoja world.But even one case is one to many whereever that may be.The jamaat MUST get involved and help these girls.Having two daughters of my own, I can empathaize with the parents of these girls.Once again the leaders of the Khoja MUST get involved or step down.

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  11. Jamat is a disgrace now!

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  12. I can beleive on this story. But there are some Khoja Families which you to harrass khoja boys. I came across one case wherein after nikkah the girl ask for a guy for a divorce as she had a boyfriend. Everyone put his efforts for making understand boy to give divorce to her rather than guide girl not to go for such a bad step.
    Now the rumour against the boy is something same like the one as you mentioned even he was not at fault.

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  13. well i would say that there are these kind of families everywhere and in every society if they do not ask for dowry in the beginning they will harass the girl and their families for the rest of their lives. but on such few incidents pointing on the whole community is not right either as there are families in the khoja community who keep no conditions as in these regards. i am pretty sure there will be a lot of people out there who will agree to me also. as far as this particular case is concerned shame on the family who behaved like this giving the entire community a bad name and my hats off to the girl who took such a bold step in her life and my good wishes to her in her life to follow and i am sure she will get a very caring family because she took care of her parents.aamin

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  14. Are You Khojas Muslim???? If I am not wrong U are the people who pray to Aaga Khan!!! right? Then how you are Muslim. Pls write me if I am wrong. SSG (Cairo, EGYPT)

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  15. Sajjad, no, we are not Ismaili Khojas, but Ithna Asheri Khojas. We believe in the 12 Holy Imams (AS) from Ali (AS) to Al-Mahdi (atfs). We do not pray to any human being, but only to Allah swt.

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  16. I AM RIZWAN FROM KARACHI I AM SHIA ISNA ASHRI SYED I WANT TO PURCHASE SOME BOOKS FOR RESEARCH BUT I HAV NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY THEM IF ANY ONE CAN SPONSOR ME THEN email me please ajji.mehdi@gmail.com

    Thanks Regards
    Syed Rizwan Mehdi Rizvi

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  17. Sajjad, we are titled isna Asheri as we believe in the 12 imams (a.s, but please note that we rely on the life of the imams after the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

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  18. Sajjad, we are titled isna Asheri as we believe in the 12
    imams (a.s, but please note that we rely on the life of the
    imams after the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

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  19. I am not a khoja shia but have sadly been a victim by one guy in the community in particular, who obsessed on what assets my father will give us.

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    3. He became obsessed with what car i was getting from my father as well as getting house 4us

      At the time I was unaware of his controlling & suspicious … non trusting nature, he was good with his words, I was naive & blinded by his promise of marriage & so i pestered my parents for material goods.

      Parents were shocked by my demands as I'm v simple, and not materialistic in the least, but he kept on saying that things need to be divided equally between children , & that if u don't ask u don't get; he also said his parents will not allow us to marry if our wealth are not matching. Personally I had no idea of his wealth level but just his words which did not impress me as I think the rich have no soul when it comes to love, but he entered my home with sweet words of religion and marriage, he got to know things about family assets but my six sense made wary and so i withheld as much info as i could from him but he knew enough for him to get greedy… as he use to tell me how much my fathers assets were worth

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    4. he introduced the concept of mutha, where we would b married for a set time based on terms i decided on… being a sunni, this was a unknown concept but he met my parents and voiced his interest to marry me, so the very next day he introduced it… we agreed that the day we marry/Nikah marriage takes place between us, is the day the mutha marriage ends, technically we were married . I trusted him because mainly he met my parents, then he came across as deeply religious and he acted as if he was too; he continued meetings my family, friends & parents at my home, restaurants and events such as eid w …each time talking about marriage especially to my parents … our relationship became a hot & cold one, as He lied to my parents and me, by setting false hope engagement dates, & when his parents were meeting mine; hed make excuses, and so id demand him to b honest, and end things, if he doesnt want to marry me but he didnt ; he held on leaving me in limbo on whether he will marry me or not for 3 -4years; He made excuses after excuses about y he was unable to bring his parents over; his reason being he needs to pass his exams 1st as that was his parents condition4marriage but apparently his parents knew of me & he was struggling to pass the exams, next he said, his bro needs to marry & find someone suitable, next same for his sister… arguments were becoming a custom between us but he was still undecided about us… only on finally passing did he announce a definite answer of NO… after frustrating my parents and scarring my reputation as community knew of him as he told me to tell them and I rejected marriage proposals and he knew of it.

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    8. I asked him countless times whether he was certain about marriage with me… asked whether his parents will allow us to marry… but he always reassured me …

      He only got moody just b4 exam time over the years… when he'd upset me

      for example, in 2010, after he sat exams in nov, I remember a wk b4 my dec exams… he announced he is unsure about us…for the whole wk I hid away crying non stop in college, in a separate room from everyone and tried revising… then having arguments in between with phone breaks to him

      but straight after exams were done…he'd b fine again … until exams started up again…so in the end I just boiled it down to him letting off steam ie stress…

      I finished my exam in dec 2010 but I trusted him… and waited for him to finish his exams as he was having a tough time, trying to complete his exams, but I fought for him at home, and said no to risthas … he knew it…

      On eid, he visited my home… and we gifted his family with eid meat… for his whole family… I now wander what he did with the meat… did he take it home? Did he throw it away? How has his parents not wanted to meet me as yet?

      But he is good with his words, I trusted him blindly

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    10. He pestered me, day in day out at the start; he came up2 me in college… at the time I was in talks with two potentials for marriage… & he knew it

      But when he showed his interest… I did my best to avoid him…as there were one 2 many differences that I doubted his parents could accept me… but he was so persistent … he didn't want to take no for an answer…he made phone calls after phone calls… at times…I would not pick up… my mum can vouch for that… but one day at the library… he approached me… i tried so hard to ignore him… but convinced me it fine … family will accept me… no problem

      Soooo that's when my parents wanted to meet him regarding marriage straightaway… so he met my parents from day 1

      And the very next day he introduced the concept of mutha… our "marriage " began

      As the relationship progressed overtime…iI told him over & over I do not want to get hurt, whether he was certsin…but he kept on saying I'm the one… he wants me as his wife…

      but i guess…he was saying just about anything just to get trap me… a man of words but zero action

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    11. My parents got very upset, especially during Umrah around July/August 2010, as I was still keeping contact via mobile… while on our religious trip

      He then told me to tell them about our marital promise, we made to each other by reciting Arabic words and agreeing that that the day we officially do the Nikah with each other, is the very day our mutha marriage ends.

      This eased the pressure but he then took advantage of our nativity… with excuses & excuses … delaying our marriage

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    3. My request is that Khoja shia boys/men do not act as this guy has with girls, this is simply wrong.

      I spoke to my female khoja shia friend of 20 years, she wished i told her earlier, she said quite clearly he used mutha incorrectly… that he is bad for what he did…i also have been researching on mutha; clearly he used religion to get girls, as with me, he ended it by saying it was a COMPATIBILITY TEST which he never mentioned but only on making his exit out of my life; promise to Allah, if he said that from day one, I would not have agreed to it… it's not how I've been brought up

      This treatment is disrespectful to Islam; & of course women

      Please train boys not to ask themselves before destroying a girls life, whether they would b fine with someone acting so badly with their mother/sister/daughter etc

      I also got the impression he looks down on people who were not shia khoja as that was his attitude… based on our conversations

      Please teach the boys in the khoja community that Allah made us all as equals hence no one is superior than the other; therefore, must treat others with respect and with care at all times; Allah takes account of all u do; how we act/ do things… is sooner or later, is going to boomerang back, as explained in the Quran;

      They need to b taught, to b wary of their footprints, make sure they r positive when dealing with each other, no matter what race, creed or colour… male/female

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    4. Nearing the end of our whirlwind relationship, He told me whatever happened between us meant nothing… as we didn't get up to enough in his opinion, for it to amount to anything… i was shocked. what kind of person is he? he has a sister/mother…so to make him understand that what he was doing was terribly wrong/inhumane…i asked him how he would feel if his sister came up to him, asking what she should do if someone treated her the way he has with me, but shockingly he just laughed it off…

      I had built a protective wall around my heart, but naively, i allowed him to dismantled it with his false promise of marriage especially as he gained my respect and trust, by meeting my parents a good number times, and talking with them over phone too;

      he crushed my dreams which were built around him, over the 3/4years relationship, in an instant, but I kept on giving him the benefit of the doubt, boiling it down2… stress with studies, so just assumed his actions were to let of steam…

      he point blank used religion to manipulate my feelings, my life; he said our alone time meant nothing…

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    5. He even went as far as saying he is bringing his parents over for dinner. My parents were so excited… they both spent hrs in the kitchen… preparing a table full of different dishes for them.

      However, he knocked on the door without his parents . My father was terribly disappointed by this… his excuse being that his father has a very early shift the very next day, with a 5am start… (uncertain over exact time he mentioned)

      my father was extremely worried about his intentions from that day onwards, but I , I as usual kept on defending him against any negative talk, I believed in him, i trusted his words, from that day forth , my relationship with my father became difficult one

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    1. I purchased items for us, decorations for our marital home, expensive cutlery, folding table/chair combo as our breakfast table, which he saw & used once upon a time when he came over to see how work was done at our office; I bought gifts for all the members in his family as well as he new sis-in-law. I looked at his family as my own…

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  24. The spare room is now still filled to the brim with martial stuff for us, as well as a suitcase packed. He knew very well that I was buying and has seen some items such as the folding breakfast table&chairs … he knew I had to say no to others for my hand in marriage, plus a few i didnt tell him about because i dud not want to hurt him during his exam time… he knew that my parents was worried by his massive delay to fulfil the promise of marriage to me; my father was furious… but i fought for him… as i believed his lies…he knew that friends, uncles and aunts were worried with some warning me that he will not marry me, but is always ran to him…& asked if what they said was true; but hed deny it and promised he'd marry me,

    All who knew of him/met him… r shocked … baffled as he kept on meeting the family especially parents… parents who entrusted him to do the right thing …as he met my parents so many times and they struggled to allow it to straddle over a number of yrs…but did it …

    all i can gather from this … is that he has zero guilt as he has made my mother cry when spoke to her… announcing he is not going to marry me… zero conscious

    he has scattered my life… marriage is unlikely for me… when that was all i really wanted… and kids… what hurts the most is i still hold feelings for someone so evil…

    please train the boys to think before they act; to take consideration of girls… do not destroy the life of an innocent & naive girl … respect elders… not just ones in your family…

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    1. The mutha marriage should b done for correct reasons, not for taking advantage of girls especially when lying about marriage… please train the boys not to abuse religion and Allah knows all they do and all their thoughts/intentions… nothing is hidden

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    3. …he out of the blue said he needed to learn what happens in our Family Accountancy business to help him out … which I showed with care as my sub-conscious was beating with great fear of his intentions … soon after this incidence …our relationship was more or less on the brink of breaking … he got what he wanted i guess… the know how … well as much as I showed him

      but then … my naive side as usual… kicked in… i gave him the benefit of the doubt, by assuming he was stressed due to pressure of re sitting exams …

      But as his brothers marriage was in process… he'd instigate arguments … it was a battle field

      on him finally passing his finals…I sincerely was over joyed by the news … it was truly a tough number of years when things didnt go as planned in the exam hall for him… he doesnt even know how upset i was because he wasnt happy… i just tried to talk and b positive … i just wanted him to b happy …

      …hence when he passed finally… I was truly, deeply over joyed… especially when i heard the happiness resonate from his voice…

      But that's when Hus true face/ his true colours came forth … his arrogance consumed him… he finally made his mind up… he isn't going to marry me, and that was it…

      I thought he was bluffing… thAt he needed time to cool off… after all we made a promise… hel will marry me… but as the days went by… & each contact with him cut like a knife… my naive side wouldn't accept what had really happened…

      3-4 mths later he got engaged … last year… & this August, got married finally … August was the most indescribable level of pain… it's true what they say… u truly do not know how u feel about another until its too late …

      … But now having time to ponder upon it…now I feel this was planned from the very start

      …He was never going to marry me, I'd never ever been accepted…

      I guess he was trying to use me …in as many ways as possible, but alhumdulilah I didn't allow things to go as far as he wished .… i always retaliated by making it clear… im his wife/biwi… hence I will not do or act like his girls in his past … no way!! & so i think that annoyed him quite a bit

      I told him a number of true life tragedies , to endure he did not plan to Hurt me in any shape or form such as…

      "I spoke of an uncle who married a women, only to use her, to set up his business and use her financially… he later divorce her, destroying her life, to only go back to his home country to marry someone from his community…during his 2nd marriage he had multiple affairs…later his death was a long haul filled with pain… as he suffered from cancer.…"

      Ironically…he came to the conclusion that he suffered because of what he had done, and then he assumes his sons duty to make up for his mistakes…

      he, with knowing all this, with this analysis, gained my trust even further… then how could he act this way with me?

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    12. I, miss naive, believed him, when i indirectly said, im worried of his intentions y he needed to see how we work at our accountancy business... but he convinced me to trust him.... and that i should show him work done, with one of our best clients.... i remember he was even saying about how he could not join his own family business without clients, indirectly asking whether we were interested to sell our client base , but..again... as usual gave him the benefit of the doubt.... and ignored my suspicions....

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    14. he confused me y he is unable to bring his parents around to Meet mine and managed to twist every word i said.... and filled his mind with disturbing false ideas/stories ... he kept on saying that the Mutha is a compatibility test.... which he never ever mentioned during the years together, id never ever agreed to such a thing..promise to Allah..

      i tried effortlessly to convince him he is making a grave mistake, i even told him he can ask questions while i had my hand on the quran, to remove all his disrespectful suspicions/inappropriate thoughts.... but he declined each time.

      … but thinking about it now… I guess the truth is, he was playing with my life..& getting pure pleasure from it..

      he was trying his best to use me whatever way possible....

      I was told repeatedly that khoja shia do not get married outside their community.... so each time I was warned by a friend, id confront him about it...he’d deny it... lies after lies...

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    17. A heart of stone… he only thought of what benefits he was to get from me… in more ways than one…I never asked anything from him… only wanted him with my whole heart… only thing I was guilty of was asking him to do what he promised.… to give me a ring at least… to marry me as promised

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    1. I begged him to say sorry over and over while he ranted rude and disgusting/vulgar abuse at me in May this year…on our last conversation

      He couldn't even say sorry, he couldn't admit he was in the wrong about his ill thoughts and behaviour towards me & my parents , he's true face came clear2me…

      he is an cold hearted, self centred and cruel person

      It's taken me ages to admit to his faults… I never wanted to say or hear bad about him… but I can't bottle it any longer…

      All I want is that the khoja shia community train boys to have a heart and soul not a heart of stone; teach them to not to misbehave with innocent/naive girls who r not within the community … and use Islam to manipulate them

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    2. He threatened me, that he will destroy my name… but he has already done so, over these years… my community, my family & friends… he told me to tell and the all the ones he met, he was sly & deceitful towards me & my parents…

      Please educate the shia khoja boys on how to treat others outside the community

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    6. During the span of the three years, threats brcame the norm…I recall his threats was that things will end if I did not do as he said, and when I did as he said, he'd add another term, totally changing what he promised at the start… he just played mind games with me… the only reason I took it was because of our marital promise… the day our mutha ends, will b the day we marry one another

      I'm loyal to my promise, I loved him with my whole heart, I just didnt say it…

      I agree I got upset with him, & raised my voice as he didnt bring his parents to see mine… what am I suppose to do? Friends/family were on my case about marriage… but he… i guess was enjoying my pain…my Anger built … arguments took over our relationship … I sacrificed my yrs/my ability to b married/have kids… & he returns it with abusive/distasteful… shameful … words… &lies… on r final words … but this time… I stayed calm… but he erupted like a volcano … hammering my ears with a 1000s nails

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    9. Words Which has been festering inside me for days/wks/mths…as I could not share a word of what he said …to anyone… it was unrepeatable… those words haunt my ears to date… & I still ask y till this day… y when I told him if he can't b with me, to end it but do it nicely, not to drag it…… but he did what i told him not to…destroying me&my life… in more ways than one…y?

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    6. He leads a double life where i guess his parents and family plus community had know idea of his true identity

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    8. He tortured me psychologically throughout the years we were together…he'd deny everything… he had an answer ready for everything … excuses after excuses… he confused me … he was a compulsive liar

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    9. I got confused because I trusted his words … I trusted him… but then I know what the truth was too.…hence I got confused … it was a battle between my naive trust in him vs what I knew as the 100% truth… it was mentally torturing …

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    1. I read Surah Yasin for each of his exams, on each day of his exam, from the exam start time … over the years… but he didnt believe it… he wanted to test my Quran reading in Arabic… there was no winning with him…

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    2. He use to go through my mobile phone… such as checking my texts, he had a major trust issue… but I didn't mind as I had nothing to hide… I told him everything … but now thinking about it … this may be an indication that he was not to be trusted… what was he up2?

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  34. I am so sorry for writing all this… but I needed to let go of what's been killing me like slow poison for so long…

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  38. Allah knows exactly what happened… & I leave it to Allah to bring justice.… allah knows all the hidden truth & intentions , Allah sees through all lies…

    i assumed all these negative practices, within your community… was accepted…

    I so wanted to send a formal letter to stanmore mosque …but thought there was no point in complaining about how bad he was, because i thought that this behaviour is allowed as long as its not with the girls in your own community…

    but now insha Allah … my message is heard… so that young boys r taught not to mistreat innocent girls outside the khoja community

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    1. Please pass on the message of the Quran … ensure they understand and follow it … Islam is a way of life…Speak justice (AL QURAN 6:152)
      Speak not in vain (AL QURAN 23:3)
      speak the truth (AL QURAN 3:17)
      speak kindly (AL QURAN 2:83)
      speak no lie (AL QURAN 22:30)
      speak not without proof (AL QURAN 2:111)
      speak no slander (AL QURAN 33:58)

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    2. As time passed, Told him time and time again not to prolong it if he doesn't think he will b able to marry me, incase parents wont b ok with it, incase he wasn't ready to settle based on his past relationships, or incase it's not me he wants to marry… but he convinced me…with sheer conviction… its me he wants to settle-down with…no question about it…

      …but he still didn't bring his parents over/just sweet excuses after excuses…I use to tell him to b honest … if he wants to end things… not to treat me badly, no to drag it, but just say it straight… but no… he opted to treat me with hurtful words and behaviour which I told him not to

      … especially near the last yr of our relationship, by which time, i had put my heart and soul into the marriage… I had let go of my defences, & let him in my heart, & did as he pleased…

      … but over the years i started to reduce expressing my feelings/didn't feel comfortable around him anymore, as my trust in him, reduced with each lie he told… and his cruel words /treatment

      …but i continued to invest into our relationship regardless… in my mind he was my husband… I need to b patient… ; i allowed him to meet family, hence, extended family members found out about him2, i told some in our community to stop marriage proposals,as he said we should…

      i just started to do things to please him and bought things for us, for our married life, ie items u buy when getting married…

      i read and completed the Quran during Ramadan in his name but sadly, he didn't believe, instead he didn't believe I could read the Quran in Arabic, that once he even suggested he'd test my reading of the quran, which I declined… how untrusting and demeaning

      … as years passed by… he changed & taunted me, and threatened me if i didnt do certain things… our relationship would b doomed , so id do as he said in the end but then he would change what i need to do … add new/adjust the things i must do…

      …I warned him of all the difficulties he was placing me in & my parents …delaying my marriage, having rejected proposals and community wondering y We rejected potentials for marriage at a time I should have said yes… my reputation was in his hands

      …his attitude, his character and behaviour became evil & cruel … i became distant…and cold towards him as i lost trust in him…but i still believed in our promise of marriage… marriage in my opinion is a life long deal…

      …but all he'd say he is unsure about us, but never a definitive answer… he just dragged it, he was facing tough times with exams but alhumdulilah he finally passed … after a 3/4 yr long relationship … his true colours showed up … he announced over the phone … he wasnt going to marry me

      Around 3/4mths later, he was engaged

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    3. Which he at start said he doesn't want an arranged marriage… or was he seeing her2? Allah knows… he got married in August … the most painful period of my life… u really do realise ur true feelings when it's too late… but his lasts words in may still ring through my ears… cruel words … but I can't help my feelings… my unconditional love for him… Insha Allah I learn to forget him ASAP … my life has become upside down …

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    4. I can't even try to like someone else because my heart stupidly is attached to him… I've closed all doors… I'm lost … I guess this was his plan… to make me aimless in life… when I had such big dreams and hopes when he first met me… I just still can't believe he has done this …

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  43. I can't get him out of my system … something always brings this tragedy back to the surface

    …such as today, my parents were asked about him, that 'im suppose to marry him… when is that happening?'

    … my parents r going through so much because of his cruel intentions… my names scarred as he told me to tell people about us… that we were scheduled to marry…so that they so not bother us about potentials for marriage… this aunt was never told… hence our relationship has become a rumour

    Marriage is all I ever truly wanted, I was not ambitious… but he drummed into me about what i should do at the family bus… hence, what i did each day was with him in mind… to please him…

    yes its true,I loved studying, & enjoy building on knowledge but ambition to work was never me… my passion was to settle down…to marry and have children and b content with them…

    … i never wanted anything from him … but only guilty for demanding a ring to make our marriage a permanent one… i just wanted him with my whole heart unconditionally/just wanted his love… to meet his family& b part of his family as promised

    … as I worded the mutha very carefully so that marriage is all it was, so that the spoken words of the promise between us, only amounted to a permanent marriage

    … 'the mutha period ends the day we marry one another on a permeant basis ie nikha' which he fully agreed too… I didn't want to b used like his prior relationships for pastime basis … this time i was his wife , i opted for a forever position in his heart & life

    …But i guess from knowing him overtime…his prime focus was only on gaining assets/money from marrying

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  50. There are great masses of individuals who have MAPPED OUT THEIR ENTIRE LIFE… to SIN PRE-MARRIAGE/PRE-OLD AGE (PHASE 1), followed by a DOUBLE DOSAGE OF REPENTANCE/action plan (PHASE 2)

    ie a STEP BY STEP PLAN, where they allow themselves to carry out just about all the major & minor SINFUL ACTS one can imagine; when needed, they use religion to manipulate the naive, but usually carried out in secret so tends to be UNKNOWN behaviour by FAMILY/COMMUNITY = PHASE 1

    …but only 2 "stop" on finally getting married or reaching old age, this is when PHASE 2 kicks in,

    …ie the DAY IN & DAY OUT REPENTANCE PLAN… a little like insurance -

    1) additional prayers as a top up feature to the minimum …

    2) countless repetition of Hajj/umrah in the attempt to remove their SCHEDULED PAST SINFUL LIFESTYLE …

    3) showering charities with money… to win the hearts of the community especially the ones that may know of their shady past… & of course to carry out the pre-planned repentance steps…

    They carry out these activities with the mindset… that… Allah will forgive every sinful act or/& to convince family/community that they r a "good practising Muslim"-this is where acting skills are used to the max…

    …then starts the great show of overly preaching to others about whats right & wrong …GUILT PREACHING to cover their sinful past & carrying out all the Sunnahs u can think of…such as growing ones beard that reaches the floorboards😱… a class act… a total HYPOCRITE…

    …this retired sinner… then uses their memories to reminisce about the good old days… A DAY IN A LIFE OF A SINNER

    Am sure ALLAH is most likely concerned about the QUALITY & SINCERITY OF THE REPENTANCE PROCESS RATHER THAN QUANTITY … it's unlikely to gain forgiveness/mercy soooo easily… this great MAPPED OUT LIFE PLAN is likely to b a CRITICAL ASPECT 2 the final DECISION by Allah

    ie Allah is very focused on all our INTENTIONS, known/unknown to friends/family...etc...in other words, nothing's is hidden from Allah & Allah will treat us all justly...so intentional misdeeds, will surely return unto us...sooner/later.

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