Big time confusion

This time I will not be discussing any of my view point on a specific issue, instead I’ll share my confusion and raise few questions for which I am not able to get any satisfactory answer yet.

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood' "(Al-Quran: 17:23-24)

Each of us are in no doubt that Islam has emphasized a lot about rights and duties towards our parents and specially mother is the most respectable and divine relation Allah has created for his creatures. There are several verses of Quran and ahadess from Masoomeen(a.s.) in honor of parents and enlightens our responsibilities towards them. If someone has to describe the word “mother” and the relation of a mother and a child, I don’t think it will be an easy task as there aren't enough words in the dictionary to describe what my mother is. “For the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world” Surely whatever we are today is just because of our parents.

But today’s mother was a newly wedded wife someday, as soon as a person gets married with a girl there can be two possibilities, in some cases specially in subcontinent the girl is brought to the house which is of the groom’s parents and they live with parents and siblings, this is what we call Joint Family System. Second option is they will start their life in a new house hoping to turn that into a home someday.

Let’s now discuss some ideal cases where there are no special excuses like small house or relocation to different city/country, financial problems etc. Now my question, actually it is more than a question and can be called a big time confusion.

Should a person start his life in a Joint Family System or Individualistic Family System?

Option 1:

The person leaves his parent’s place and starts a new life at a new place? Ofcourse he will be visiting them regularly and will take good care of them, remotely, as much as possible by helping them financially, morally and by supporting in household work etc. If that’s the case then:

1. Will it be considered as disgracing parents and dishonoring them or not giving them proper love which they deserve from their child?

2. Will it be considered as not fulfilling ones duties and rights towards his parents by leaving them alone at old age when they will be needing him as he needed them when he was a child?

3. Is this act against any of the Islamic laws or instructions or expectations, will this act be a hurdle in gaining Allah’s blessing?

4. Is it something the person has to justify in his society or it should be taken normal by society as a general practice?

5. By living separately there is a distance between grandchild and grandparents as compare to living jointly with them, will it be considered injustice to both of them?

6. Finally if any one of the parent is left alone after others death, what should be the line of action? Hire a maid for him/her? Ask him/her to live with all the sons turn by turn for a decided period? Admit him/her to old house? OR go for any point in option 2.

Option 2:

A newly wedded wife in most of the cases prefers to have her own home and does not like to stay in a Joint family. Maybe in some cases she shows her willingness but mostly witnessed in my surrounding, girls usually prefer to be independent of joint family. In subcontinent still there are many families where individualistic family system is considered very negative and girl is titled as cunning, clever and selfish if she demands for a separate home.

1. Whatever the case maybe, restrict her to live in Joint family?

2. When two – three women are living in same house there is a high chance of collusion, so should a person start balancing his rights towards parents, siblings and wife and try to keep all of them happy in case of any argument? Is it possible? How?

3. Be ignorant and let the things go on its own way and do not interfere until the big blast from either side?

4. Be partially separate in same house? (You know what that means)

5. Change his role as a son and as a husband and be mediator for life time.

Today in our society when a person gets married the first and biggest question infront of him is, should he enter into joint family system or start a separate and independent life, maybe initially this question does not crop up but after some time this issue comes along him, whether in form of demand from his partner or due to circumstances, the decision at that time is not so easy and I am still in search of the answer that what is the best possible solution to this confusion.

As you can see both options have some advantages and disadvantages, I am not listing those here as we all are aware of virtues and pitfalls of both systems but ultimately person has to go with any one of the them, of course selection of any option entirely depends on individual’s circumstances and no universal law can be defined as a selection criteria but still in a broad view there has to be some reasoning to justify the selection, whether it be from religious point of view or social or ethical view but there has to be some logical reasoning.

Last but not least, what is the best time for making this decision, should it be a preplanned decision and with mutual understanding of all the stakeholders or should a person go with the flow in beginning ,wait and watch for the situation and then make any decision?

These are few unanswered questions waiting for some justifiable replies other than “Depends on situation” kind of answers as macro view of situation is already defined.

Gunnah for Sale

Sale sale sale …. Complete Gunnah package available for very reasonable price for yourself and all family members. Don’t miss the chance as you’ll not even realize that you have increase your gunnah account immensely.

These days are associated with Ahlebait (a.s.) and considered to be very holy months, most of the people prefer to arrange wedding functions during these three months (Jamad us Sani, Rajab & Shaban). Usually this is done because of our close association with Ahlebait (a.s.), we celebrate our happiness when they are happy and when they are in grief we also turn into sadness, although this is a very excellent way to demonstrate our love, respect and association with them but one should understand that when anything, any event or any function is done in their name it obviously means that organizers should take extra care and the gathering should be very pure as it is done in the name of “Lords of Purity”.

BUT

Whenever you feel like your gunnah account has reduced and you are feeling uncomfortable because of that, just don’t worry … Go and attend a wedding function of so called “Moderate Family”, you’ll find a complete gunnah package and those 2-3 hours per function is enough to increase your account. And if the function is of your close relative/friend, then just be prepared for some extra ordinary packages like buy one get many free and special discounts upto 100%.

The story starts with the wedding week when you are invited to join a Mehendi function; as soon as you step out from your home the counter will start or maybe it was started the day when you accepted that invitation and started preparation for it. Hmmmmmmmm, nicely dressed, you reached the invited place, you’ll be greeted with some cool music playing in ultra loud voice and you’ll be seeing some females with proper “western” hijab greeting your ladies, no need to mention that you are in a mix gathering as there was no other choice for organizers cause the mehendi function has to be mix gathering as it is sunnat-e-Iblees.

Your account has start increasing but there is much more to come so remain excited, now you have two choices (don’t worry both of them will earn you equal gunnah), either participate in the “Dhoolki and/or Dandiya” performed by girls and boys or remain seated and enjoy the show. Young children must be enjoying the dance and remember DO NOT scold them when they repeat this action at home with their siblings and cousins because you are the one to encourage and develop this notion in them. For most of the children this won’t be a new thing as STAR PLUS has already taught them all these gestures.

And now comes the most disgraceful part of the ceremony, music is on its peak and family members are going to perform Imam Zamin ceremony, with the voice of “Salwat” which will ofcourse muddle up with the music sound, the groom wears Imam Zamin of “YA ALI” and bride wears of “YA FATIMA” and with that Imam Zamin tied on the hand, groom starts shaking hands and taking “Musafa” with Na-Mehram women like Chachi, Bhabbi, Sali etc. etc., still with the “YA ALI” Imam Zamin on the arm, bride’s sisters and cousins do the “ANGHOTA PAKRAI” rasm. This is when girls from bride’s side hold the thumb of groom and demand for certain gift, I am not against the tradition but holding hands without any barrier is what makes it haram.

Do I need to mention that you can easily convert this gunnah into “Gunnah-e-Jaria” by just letting the movie maker to shoot your uncovered head in his camera? You can easily earn gunnah for many years in this way, as the movie will be circulated around the community very regularly. In some cases ultra moderate family will upload it on youtube or some other website of this kind letting the whole world to enjoy the ceremony and without your permission you’ll be seen without hijab by many Na-Mehrams.

When there are thousands of people hungry and living in worst conditions, and majority of them can be found in our own country, it is a mandatory tradition to waste huge amount of food when you know that Allah gave you the meal before this meal and you’ll surely take proper meal after this one then too who cares, one person will collect food for two people and will waste it without a single thought. People use to behave like if this is the first and the last meal in their life time.

Anyways much more can be highlighted on this issue but you can imagine how rich you are at the end of these functions.

Why? Why are we like this, when each of us know that this is not correct then too we do same every time. Why we don’t have courage to reject invitations for such functions where we are dam sure that it will be full of unlawful things? Why don’t we discourage these traditions?

Just because we don’t want the relative/friend to feel bad if we reject the invitation, then what about Allah and Ahlebait (a.s.)? Are the friends superior to Ahlebait (a.s.) that we are giving preference to their displeasure on Ahlebait’s (a.s) displeasure?

I admit that I am also same as all others but I want to change, are you ready to change?

Ask yourself!

Be rich! Put your son on auction

A promise with Satan (Shaitan):

“We won’t let your traditions die. Until anyone of the Khoja community member is alive on the surface of this earth you don’t have to worry at all, we will serve you at our best and will promote all negative traditions in society.”

Yet another girl of our community decided not to get married just few hours before reaching the marriage hall as her family could not pay the required amount demanded by the groom’s family and also they have a “Fixed Price” tagged on the groom. Although girl’s father in law showed the utmost generosity and granted few days to her family for fulfilling his wish list.

The poor girl was sitting in the parlor and getting ready to start her new journey when she came to know that dowry which was sent day before to groom’s house was rejected by father in law as “TV trolley was without a TV” and “Split AC” was not included in the package. Just two hours remaining in wedding ceremony, she had to take a quick decision whether to enter in the hell for her whole life or to remain behind and fight with the hypocrites of the society and prove herself innocent infront of everyone.

Somehow she prepared herself to face all the hurdles and problems which are going to be created by so called “Cultured Khoja Society” and denied from getting married in that mentally sick family. Great work!

Hey one more thing, you guys must be aware of a tradition called “Pairamri”, aren’t you ?? I am sure you are, as you also made thousands from it. For those who don’t know about this tradition, lemme explain you. This tradition is another nice way to suck the blood of poor bride’s family. Groom’s family usually hands over a list of nearby relatives to bride’s family and they have to pay some ”SMALL” token gift/money to relatives. Usually this list is between 20 – 30 people and it can increase to infinity. The gift depends on the relation, the closer the relation is, the gift has to be more expensive and ofcourse for sisters and mother nothing less to gold is accepted.

In the case I mentioned above the small token money demanded was just Rs. 1,000 per relative but the bride family paid Rs. 250 per person and in result the unhappy father in law has no other choice except insulting bride’s family.

Anyways, I don’t know what will come across that poor girl in coming days but I wish her best of luck. I am trying to figure out that what should I pray for her, “May Allah give her that much resources that she can BUY a good husband for her” OR “May Allah give her such family who does not misuse this tradition”.

I hope we all will go with second one.

Sporting Activity - Please participate

Before starting this article I want to make one request, please just don’t read it as a normal article, kindly think over it and make some good suggestions and step forward to implement it practically.

Thanks

“Sports are a very important part of our life. They give us an escape from the hectic life we live and had a great influence on our mental and physical health. Growing children need inspiration and physical stimulation, and sports are a great way to provide such things.”

Read the above paragraph? Good! Now tell me how many of us are into some kind of sporting activity? When was the last time you played cricket or football or racket game? Are you member of any sporting club or academy?

I bet 95% people reading this article have no answer for above questions.

Have you ever wondered why we are like this? Are we just born to work like donkeys all day long and on weekends just watching TV or discussing politics with our friends?

Man I am frustrated. I want to play; I want to be relaxed for at least few hours, far away from all personal and professional problems. I want to enjoy my life with reasonable budget and within Islamic limits.

When I discussed it with few people the only excuse I got was that “WE DON’T HAVE ANY PLATFORM NOR WE HAVE MONEY TO JOIN EXPENSIVE CLUBS”

Agreed, if all of us are interested and we all have same excuse so why don’t we form our own platform? Why are we waiting for someone to give us invitation? Atleast we can start with some low budget activity. Arranging a cricket or a football match will not cost that much brother.

Why can’t we form different teams of Khoja members? Atleast we can start from our area, if we just lay a foundation, I am sure many people will join us. We can form our sports committee and on basis of the ability and expert level we can make different teams for different games.

Further on we can have inter-area matches and we can extend it to inter-city competitions.

Our kids somehow mange to get involved in some sporting activities either in school or in summer camps but who has stopped us for not playing at the age of 30 or 40 or 50?

Cool, now what? Are you ready to participate or you are happy watching TV and discussing irrelevant issues?

I am ready to step ahead and start in my city (Karachi), if someone is interested in joining me, kindly provide your details and drop a suggestion of sport you are interested in.

Details:
Name:
Age:
Area:
Cell no:
Sport you are interested in:(Cricket, Hockey, Football, BasketBall)

People from Karachi can send me these details on khoja.sia@gmail.com

Plan:
I will compile and make summary of participants, will share it with you all. I will give a try and contact Khoja Jamaat to start it under their umbrella, if they show interest then excellent else we can form our own committee and divide people in teams according to their age groups and interest and make an ongoing plan.

Every Sunday first half we can do our activites and rest of the day will be a usual family day.

Sounds good?

Can people from other cities also step forward and take this as a task?

Bed time story - 1

Long time ago, there was a boy who lived with his family in a small home. Since childhood the boy was very genius and always uses to be on top in very subject. When other boys of his age spend their time in different activities this boy remains with his teacher all the time and tried to learn as much as he can. His teacher was very happy with the boy’s performance and because of that he loved him a lot. His parents were also very glad and felt proud of him. The teacher worked very hard and so did the boy and ultimately the teacher transferred most of his knowledge to the boy and soon the boy became 2^nd most knowledgeable person in his town.

 When the boy grew up he got a job in a garden as gardener. Being a loveable person, he love all the plants and flowers and take care of them. He planted hundreds of trees during his job. He used to work very hard to earn livelihood for his family.

 He was very kind to poor people, orphans and widows and in his limited income he use to take very good care of them. Along with these qualities he was a very pious person and use to pray a lot specially he loves to pray at night.

 Due to his dignity, truthfulness, courage and knowledge the gardener became very famous in the town and people started loving him and enjoying his company. After seeing all these qualities, his teacher who was basically the King of the town decided to marry his daughter with the gardener. Gardener was very glad and he married the princess and welcomed her whole heartedly in his small home.

 The princess was very humble and gentle lady and in-spite of being the most honorable, respectful, dignified and noble person; she was very down to earth and polite with other fellow beings. After her marriage with the gardener she devoted herself to her husband and children and most of the time she use to do all the house work herself. She was equally knowledgeable, pious and pure person as her husband and both of them were strong partners in spirituality. When it comes to help others, there was no one like them in the entire town.

 Due to gardener’s bravery and courage, king made him the commander of his army. He participated in different battles and accomplished many hard tasks.

 After seeing the honesty, loyalty and bravery the king decided to make him “next to be king” and one day after returning from a journey, king called all the people of the town and announced that after his death, the commander would be the next king.

 Most of the people of the town were very pleased with the decision and happily accepted the commander as the next king. But there were few people who did not like the decision but kept quite at that time. One sad day the king passed away and the entire town was in grief, everyone was crying, specially the princess. She loved her father very much and was very upset on his death.

 As per king’s will, the commander was to be the next king but the people who were not happy with that decision stood up and opposed the decision after the king passed away.  They ignored the king’s will at all and started new planning and ultimately they formed their own group and used every illegal means to take over the kingdom.

 When the commander, his family and his companions opposed their illegal actions, they tortured and insulted them. They did not even realize the dignity of princess and tortured her badly, as a result princess got wounded and soon she departed from this world.

 Those hypocrites at last took over the kingdom illegally and the brave commander and the most knowledgeable person of the town kept quite just because he did not wanted to start a new battle in his own town.